Denise Kraus’s Eulogy for Hazel

ACH OF US here knew a little bit of Hazel, as she lived her life between different continents in the ’eighties. None of us knew all of her. I met Hazel twenty years ago, when we were both single and living in Canberra. She immediately stood out as somebody who was different, who didn’t just go with the crowd because it was fashionable, someone with an ironic and playful sense of humour, who appreciated art and life, music, and being with people. We shared some wonderful times together as single women and then later with our growing families.

Being with Hazel always left one feeling positive, because she had a rare quality of reflection and listening, which made you feel that you really mattered, while at the same time she could gently point out to you with a touch of irony when you were being ridiculous and silly, without ever hurting your feelings.

She was a generous and compassionate friend, and much more likely to take the side of the underdog than the top dog, and always exceedingly modest about her own many talents. She always seemed very much at home in Australia, but she was to me always very much an Englishwoman too, who loved revisiting her country of birth and her many close relatives and friends. On one of her trips back home she bought an old London taxi and drove it across the Continent, in a wonderful off-beat adventure that she wrote about in postcards.

Hazel agreed to be a witness at my wedding to Michael and gave a memorable speech, extolling the virtues and grace of the best man — reversing the usual roles — which is still remembered by our relatives as one of the highlights of that day. I never wanted to be here making a speech highlighting her virtues on this awful day.

Our families were fortunate to be in America at the same time, and I could go for a long time about her many acts of kindness to us through our lives, but I’ll just tell you that when Michael became very ill in America, Hazel rang us every day for weeks and weeks to offer support and comfort, to fly across America to be with us, which was ultimately not necessary. None of us could have foreseen that a short time later she would be facing her own devastating illness, which no modern medicine could help. You all know of her extraordinary bravery in continuing to lead a normal life for the sake of her family.

My most precious memories of this wonderful woman, friend, sister, wife, and mother, who had been a scientist, an adventurous traveller, a constitutional lawyer, and a crimebuster, and recently artist — my most precious memories of Hazel are holding her new-born Joshua and new-born Zoë in her arms, with a look of complete happiness and wonder on her face, and these two beautiful children are Hazel’s and Rob’s precious legacy.

Another memory that stays with me is a picture of Hazel sitting on a log in a ferny glade in the Blue Mountains, having walked five kilometres and in discomfort from the cancer that was working its way. But never complaining, somehow serene in this mountain setting that she loved.

Joshua and Zoë, we all hope to share our memories of your wonderful mother, your beautiful irreplaceable mother, and as you get older, we hope you can share them. Our loss is great, but yours is incalculable. Her loving spirit will never leave us, and may we always strive to live as generously and as patiently as she did.

To Robert and Pat, her loving partner and sister, we extend our deepest condolences, and in your grief may we say thank you for sharing Hazel with us in these last precious few months.

Goodbye, dear friend.

— Denise Kraus, 21 September 1998